


If You Love Me, Don't Let Go

by PunsAndBulletsAndPointyThings



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Are you crying?, Deadpool - Freeform, Death, Depressing, Fluff, Fluffy, Funeral, Have Fun!, It's so fluffy I'm gonna die!, Love, M/M, Memory Loss, More Fluff, Sadness, Song fic, Sorry for the angst her have some fluff, Spiderpool - Freeform, Spideypool - Freeform, Suicide, dead!peter, haha - Freeform, i don't know what you're talking about, i'm not crying, less angsty, other stuff, spider - Freeform, spiderman - Freeform, tombstone - Freeform, venom - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-14 23:39:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8033494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunsAndBulletsAndPointyThings/pseuds/PunsAndBulletsAndPointyThings
Summary: Peter and Wade were doing fine until the stroke. Next thing he knows he has to face the fact that while, he can't die, Peter can. 
Inspired by Unsteady by X Ambassadors
My first angst fic. Please read.
Angst is over! Pure fluff updated!!





	1. If You Love Me, Don't Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> For maximum pain listen to Unsteady by X Ambassadors. On repeat. Because this fic is kinda long.

Wade Winston Wilson was breaking. He held his head in his hands as giant tears formed in his eyes, and broke free to roll down his cheeks.

He closed his eyes, he didn't want to look. The white walls of the hospital room were meant to be soothing but they only succeeded in terrifying him. He felt a hand brush against his and it entwined their fingers together.

"Wade," the voice that belonged to to owner of the hand in his and occupant of the hospital bed spoke, "Wade. Look at me."

Wade looked up, tears in his eyes. In the hospital bed was Petey, his baby boy, his Spidey, his husband, his everything. The brown doe eyes looked into his piercing blue ones. Yesterday Petey had a stroke and had gone into cardiac arrest. The doctors said he'd be fine, they just needed to keep him overnight to check on him to make sure everything was okay before they could send him back home.

But they had lied. Wade had come back this morning restless and tired. He hadn't slept at all last night. Then the doctors told him something devastating. The stroke had done more damage then they had thought it would. Additionally they found something dangerous in his blood. The doctors didn't have an explanation but it was obvious to Wade. The spider bite that turned Peter into Spiderman hadn't seemed to have any overly negative effects on his body, but when the doctors said that there was spider venom in his blood, killing all of his blood cells at a rapidly increasing pace, Wade knew that they had overlooked something those many years ago. The doctors warned that Peter would only have about a day until the venom reached his brain, killing him. Wade didn't know what to do.

"Wade. I-I need you to promise me something." Peter said quietly.

"Anything, Baby Boy."

"I want you to move on when I'm... When I'm gone. I want you to be happy. So you need to move on. I don't want you to suffer without me."

"But Petey, how can I move on without you? You-you're my everything. My whole world. I quit being a mercenary for you. You were able to make my boxes nicer to me. They don't torment me anymore. I can't live without you." He choked out with a sob.

Peter smiled gently and placed his hand on the side of Wade's face. "But you will, Wade. You always do. I'll always be in your heart and in your memories. So open your heart to another. Love again. I know you can. Please Wade. Please don't shut everyone out again. Please. Don't be afraid. I love you Wade. I'm a little unsteady right now. I don't know how much longer I have so just, hold on to me until I'm gone ok?"

Wade nodded and kissed him. Hand tightening around Peter's. "I'll hold on. I promise."

"Don't let go." Peter whispered.

The tears were falling harder and faster now, in a steady, constant stream. His chest hurt. He couldn't take this. But he only nodded and choked back a sob.

Suddenly the monitor next to Peter displaying his heartbeat sped up. It went faster and faster and faster, and the beeps were a tortuous melody meant to break his heart. He tightened his hand around Peter's and said, "I love you."

Peter smiled. But then the monitor stopped its crescendo of rapidly increasing beats and exchanged it for one long constant beep.

"HELP!" Wade screamed. The doctors came rushing in and immediately started CPR. The applied the defibrillator several times with no result but Wade couldn't tell. All he could see was Peter's eyes lose their shine.

"No. Nononononono! Petey! Baby Boy! Hold on! Hold on. Hold on to. Me. Please. Please Petey. Don't do this to me! Don't leave me! Don't do it! You can't die! You can't! No!"  
There was a moment of silence. "If you love me Peter, don't let go. Please." But Peter couldn't hear him. He couldn't hear anything. Eventually the doctors gave up hope. They had tried everything they could as many times as they could with no result. They turned around solemnly and left Wade sobbing on Peter's lifeless chest.

 .

.

.

 

The funeral was a week later. It was filled not only by friends and family but hundreds of New Yorkers who owed Spiderman their lives, and came to mourn the loss of New York's greatest hero.

Wade's tears were silent, but non stop. He watched as MJ walked up to the podium and made a speech about how Peter was the light in everyone's lives. He had to look away when Ellie took the stage. It was too painful.

"We-we have lost a great man." She started with a choked sob. "He was a hero to all of New York, a friend to all who needed comfort, a husband," at this she stopped and looked at her father, tears in her eyes. "A father. He loved everyone and tried his best to do the right thing. He loved a man who was convinced he was unlovable, became a-a second father to the man's daughter," she stopped with a sob, voice wavering with tears. "He put his life at risk to protect others, most of the time total strangers. And showed compassion and kindness to anyone and everyone. His life was filled with tragedy, his parents died, and then his uncle who raised him alongside his aunt died. His girlfriend died, everyone he was close to died. But then he found happiness again in the arms of a man who seemed unsteady at first. He opened up to the man who in return opened up to him. They got married and they lived happily for many years. 23 years. Peter Benjamin Parker Wilson was a great man. He died at the young age of 45. He had so much potential to help more people. He put others before himself. He had an amazing talent to make others laugh and always tried to fix things verbally before turning to other methods. Peter was-was, amazing. The world lost someone truly special. If you can hear us Peter... We miss you." Still crying she finished with a choked, "thank you," before rushing off the stage sobbing.

She ran to Wade and cried in his arms. "I miss him Daddy." She cried quietly.

Wade pet her hair and soothed her fear with words of comfort. "Shh. I know Ells, I know. I do too."

  
Wade was the last one to leave. He looked at the gravestone. It read, "Peter Benjamin Parker Wilson  
A hero  
A father  
A husband  
A friend  
May you rest in peace, Spiderman "

He sunk to his knees and cried on the freshly filled grave. "I'm so sorry Peter! I can't do it! I can't function without you. I can't move on. I don't know how. I-I hope you can forgive me." With a shaky breath he stood up and walked away.

 

1 year later

Wade Wilson looked like shit. His eyes were constantly red from tears, his clothes always disheveled, and his mind in despair. No matter how many times he tried to move on, he couldn't. He couldn't do it.

Suddenly he remembered something someone had once said. Memories were made by experience, and consisted of patterns made from the connections of certain neurons in one's mind. His brain would always heal, but not all of his memories would. So in theory...

**BANG!**

  
He woke back up and thought of the way Peter always scolded him, teary-eyed when he killed himself.

**BANG!**

He came back to life and thought of the time he stitched up a gunshot wound Peter had obtained one time on patrol.

**BANG!**

He thought of Peter Parker being Spiderman when he woke up next.

**BANG!**

He thought of Spiderman and how shy the spandex clad spider was around him.

**BANG!**

He thought of that Spidey Ass that he yearned for.

**BANG!**

**BANG!**

**BANG! BANG! BANG!**

When Wade Wilson awoke he was being tended to by someone. But he couldn't see who. Somewhere in the back of his mind he hoped it was... Someone, but he decided to focus on figuring out who was tending to him. Then it hit him. He was just wearing a wife beater and basketball shorts. His skin! Whoever was tending to him could see his skin! He panicked. "Stop! Don't look at me!" He yelled.

"Dad it's ok! It's just me." Wade looked up. And focused on the woman cleaning the dried blood off of him. She looked familiar.

"Ellie?" He asked unsure.

"Yes, Dad, it's me." Wade was slightly confused, he didn't remember Ellie being an adult, but when he thought harder he could vaguely recall her looking like this so he put the thought aside. "Look Dad, you've got to stop killing yourself." Wade looked down in shame, he hadn't wanted anyone to know, especially Ellie. "I know you miss him," Wade looked up at this, "but you've really got to stop. What would Peter say?" She asked in a worried tone.

Wade looked at her, puzzled. "Who's Peter?"


	2. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah. This chapter is done. (And there's a surprise waiting in the end notes, so be sure to read those.)

Wade Wilson's dreams were haunted by the figure of an unknown man. Night after night, Wade would dream of him. He couldn't really discern the details on the man, and could only make observations on his figure.

Since the man was incredibly backlit in all of his dreams he could never see his face. But his physique was remarkable. The man was an average height, standing about 4 inches shorter than Wade. He was built like a gymnast. Long legs, powerful thighs, flexible body, the works. But it wasn't so much the man's body that fascinated Wade, it was his personality.

"Wade." The man in the dreams would call to him. Even though he couldn't see it, he could hear the smile in the man's voice. He had an amazing laugh. Whenever he heard it, Wade's heart was filled with both joy and, for some reason unbeknownst to him, sadness.

"Hi Baby Boy." Wade would hear his dream self say to the man. Baby Boy, Spidey, Petey Pie, Dream Wade had many nicknames for the man, even if they didn't all make sense. In his dreams he and the man would do strange things. Some dreams Wade would be riding piggyback style on the man's back as they, um, flew through the air. Other nights he would simply be holding hands with the mysterious stranger, sighing contentedly while watching the sunset, stitching up a bullet wound in the man's side, laughing together as Wade flipped pancakes that smelled strongly of maple syrup and... Home. The dreams went on and on. And while they left Wade feeling warm and content during the dreams, he would always wake up feeling confused, lonely, and cold as the details of the dreams flitted away.

No matter how hard he tried, he could never seem to recall the details of the dreams after he'd woken up, all he could remember was a feeling of warmth; and missing that feeling.

 

* * * * *

 

After dealing with months of these dreams that he could never remember he confronted Ellie about it. He watched as she made them tacos, humming a song to herself. "Daddy, dinner's- oh you're already here." She said, startled. "Well, dinner's ready, so let's eat okay?" After eating silence for a few minutes Wade finally worked up the courage and turned to his daughter.

"Ellie... I need your help." He said hesitantly. He didn't usually ask,m people for help so the words were a little difficult to form. "I keep having these dreams. And they make me feel really happy while I'm dreaming but then I wake up and I can't remember what happened in them. And it makes me feel lonely and sad, Ells. And I-I can't help but feel like I'm forgetting something or someone important. And it's been gnawing at me for months now and I can't take it anymore. Do you have any ideas?" He asked.

Ellie inhaled sharply. He was dreaming about Peter, she just knew it. She had to jog his memory. "Yes Daddy," she said. "I do have some ideas."

 

**TIME SKIP:** **2** **HOURS** **LATER**

 

Wade sat on the floor next to Ellie, flipping through the photo album. He didn't really know what to feel. After dinner, Ellie had gotten out several large photo albums from a closet Wade didn't even know he had and sat beside him, flipping through the photos, explaining the stories behind them, and telling her father about Peter.

Wade's heart ached painfully. He wanted to remember, he really did, but the more Ellie told him about Peter the more Wade felt that Peter was lucky to be dead, it meant he didn't have to deal with the deadweight and emotional baggage that was Wade fucking Wilson. How could a man so amazing ever have been in a relationship with a monster like Wade?

"There's no way this is all real." He said suddenly, looking up from an impromptu looking selfie of Deadpool giving Peter a surprise kiss on the cheek.

"What?" Ellie asked. "Dad, why would you think that? I wouldn't make something like this up. Peter was a real person and he loved you more than anything."

"Well of course I know that. I mean there's no way he and I got married, and if we did, there's no way he would've been happy with me. From what you told me... Peter," The name felt both new and familiar on his tongue. "was an amazing human being. He wouldn't have married me. Someone so clearly not amazing, a man without a moral code, a very small amount of sanity, a job that probably disgusted him, no self-esteem, and so much blood on his hands. I'm a disgusting fuck up and he was a kind hearted genius who doubled as NYC's greatest superhero. Those kinds of people don't mix, Ellie. And when they do, it's forced and the result is usually highly volatile and dangerous. For all I know we might've gotten into a really messy divorce or probably just a regular break up. Or I might've accidentally killed him. Shit, Ellie, I could've killed him on purpose, for money or out of blind rage. You could be making up a happy ending out of pity. Plus I-I don't remember him Ellie. I can't remember a thing about him. I'm trying, I really am, but I just can't." He sighed and put his head in his hands. Suddenly feeling very tired. "I think you should go now Ells, I'm tired. We can talk about this again tomorrow, okay Princess?"

Ellie hesitated before signing in defeat and reluctantly getting up to leave. "Ok. Goodnight Daddy." She said giving her father a hug. "I love you."

"I love you too, Pumpkin." Wade said before she left.

 

**TIME SKIP: 5 MINUTES LATER**

 

Wade lay in his bed. Despite how tired he felt, he didn't want to go to sleep. He didn't want to have to deal with the comforting feeling return, only for it to leave again. But his eyelids grew heavy from exhaustion and he soon succumbed to sleep's call.

 

In the dream, Wade opens his eyes to be met with a familiar figure smiling back at him. Or at least smiling as best as she can, her expressions difficult to convey being that she was essentially just bones in a dress.

"Death!" Wade ran up to her but was stopped short. Death had never refused his affections before. What was going on?

"My love." Lady Death spoke, and her voice chilled Wade to the bone. _Yes, dear reader. Pun TOTALLY intended. What? The author's not called PunsAndBulletsAndPointyThings for nothing._ "I cannot stay long and my presence here is only to ensure your visitor makes the journey safely."

Visitor? Wade asks in his head. As if reading his mind Lady Death turns Wade around. At first all Wade can see is black, but soon a figure emerges from the darkness. Wade sucks in a shocked breath. It's the man from his dreams. Only now he isn't backlit. Now that he can see him he realizes it's... Peter.

Peter steps forward toward Wade and speaks in an ominous voice. "My love. You have forgotten me and have thus forgotten yourself." He pauses and looks up at Wade who makes no reaction other than staring sadly at Peter. "Jesus Christ." Peter says in a now normal voice. "You didn't even crack a smirk at that obvious Lion King reference. I knew it was bad, but I didn't know it was this bad." He says and Wade can't help but let out a small smile at his words. But then Wade's expression goes back to one of sadness and Peter sighs dejectedly.

"I'm sorry." Wade says "I really am. But I don't remember you and I can't help but feel like, by standing here, you looking at me like I'm someone I'm not, like I'm intruding on something private that I shouldn't be a part of."

Peter sighs. "Oh Wade," he says fondly, Standing up on his tip toes and kissing him gently on the forehead.

"Aagh!" Wade yells and Peter's out of Wade's personal space in an instant, eyes watering.

""Omigod Wade! I'm so sorry. I didn't think it woul-" but he's cut off mid apology when Wade presses their lips together firmly, tears streaming down his cheeks as the memories all come flooding back in.

"Peter." He moans, trying to focus only on the fact that Peter, his Petey, his Baby Boy is right there with him, ignoring the painful memories flashing brightly in his mind, reminding him that he chose to forget them all, to forget Peter.

Peter's shock is over nearly instantly as he leans into the kiss, deepening it with a quiet little moan. God he'd missed Wade. He'd missed him so fucking much. He had been watching Wade carefully after he died and was absolutely distraught as he watched Wade kill himself over and over again until he'd forgotten him. So when he received a message from Lady Death saying he could allow him to visit Wade in a dream he'd pounced on the opportunity. He had practiced this moment, when Peter would give Wade the memory kiss and Wade would remember him again. He told himself he wasn't going to cry, but here he was, crying like a baby while kissing Wade, who was also crying like a baby.

"I'm so sorry Petey." Wade said when they'd broken apart, still crying. "I-I just couldn't do it. "I tried to move on, I really did, but I couldn't stop thinking about you. And I, I just couldn't deal with the pain anymore. I know it was a dumb thing to do, and I know I let you down Peter, and I'm so sorry. I just..." He trailed off.

"It's okay Wade. I love you. You know when I asked you to move on I didn't mean you had to start looking for people to replace me, right?" Wade looked up, blinked, and shook his head. "Well I didn't. I just meant for you to keep on living a full life. Spend time with Ellie, your friends. Join the Avengers. Create a boy band. I don't care as long as you're happy."

"But how can I be happy without you Petey?" Wade asked, his eyes desperately searching Peter's hazel ones as if he hoped to find the answer somehow hidden within them.

"Easy. You focus on the simple things, the little things. Mexican food. Pancakes. The Golden Girls. Bea Arthur. Your friends. And yes, it'd make me happy to know that you aren't lonely without me. Romantically that is. But that doesn't mean you have to force yourself into another relationship. You don't go out and look for love Wade, love finds you. And yes, it's gonna hurt like hell, especially in the beginning. I'd know. When I first met you I was still grieving over Gwen's death, and it had happened years ago Wade. You helped me accept the fact that she was gone. Made me laugh again, smile again. Gwen's death had left me feeling dead inside but you brought me back to life. I know there's someone out there who can do for you what you did for me. Don't bottle up your emotions, Wade. Don't be scared to sit down in front of the tv with 3 tubs of ice cream and a stack of sad love stories & cheesy chick-flicks to watch. I love you Wade. Nothing you do will ever change that, okay?"

"Yeah. OK." Wade says, really smiling for the first time in what felt like years.

"Don't try to force yourself to forget about me again or I swear on Bea Arthur" Wade gasped and Peter grinned before continuing. "I will personally come into your dreams and beat the shit out of Dream you for being suck a fucking moron. Oh and, if White and Yellow ever give you any trouble, say they question whether or not I actually love you, give you a hard time about your scars, or pretty much overstep their boundaries and take something too far, tell them that Peter Benjamin Parker Wilson a.k.a Spider-Man says to shut the fuck up and stop upsetting and hurting his Wade. Okay?"

Wade grins. "Sure thing Baby Boy." They cuddle together, whispering I love yous into one another's ears until the dream fades away and Wade can feel himself waking up.

 

**TIME SKIP: 1 YEAR LATER**

 

Wade listened to Peter and life had moved on. Things still hurt , but the wounds were slowly starting to heal.

Ellie had met a nice young man her age named Josh and the two of them hit it off. Like any responsible father, Wade used painful death threats on Josh to ensure that he didn't step a toe out of line. Because if he did, shit was gonna hit the fan real fast and blood would be spilled. But thankfully, Josh was a gentleman and didn't do anything that would cause his death. Good job! He gets a gold star! Reluctantly, Wade admitted to himself that the kid was growing on him. He wasn't so bad.

Every so often however, Wade would breakdown, missing Peter. But he always had a solution. _And no you assholes. The solution is not making myself forget about Peter. Why would I do that? No, the solution is_ pretending _that I'm going to make myself forget about Peter in the morning. Because I am obviously too tired to do it now._ "And I sure do hope Peter can't see this and kiss some sense into me during my dreams." He'd shout out loud, looking up to the sky over dramatically.

It worked every time. Peter was always there waiting for him. Wade knew that Peter knew he wouldn't actually do it, but he also knew that his Petey Pie worried too much to ignore the possibility of such an occurrence. Also he could tell Peter was taking advantage of every excuse to go dream visiting him. One time he dream visited him with the only reason being that Wade looked extra sad that night as he had climbed into bed, and Peter didn't want him to wake up depressed and decide to forget Peter again. I'll let you guys in on a little secret. The real reason I cried myself to sleep that night was because I had just finished watching a really sad episode of The Golden Girls and it was still affecting me.Whenever Peter would dream visit the two of them would kiss and cuddle, and and catch up. The night he was told Peter about Josh and Ellie, Peter had told him that Josh and Ellie were his new OTP. Wade, would never admit it, but he totally agreed. Their dream visits were always nice, and Wade looked forward to them, but made sure not to get dependent on them at Peter's request.

Life was okay. It wasn't perfect, it was far from it in fact. But it wasn't nearly as unsteady as it had been right after Peter died. Wade still wasn't ready to move on romantically yet, but Wade was okay with that, because Peter was too.

 

The End

(Sort of)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah. It's over. But it's actually not. I've decided to add one more chapter to this. And because the first one was so angsty, (this one was less angsty, but it was still pretty angsty) the next one will be pure fluff and nothing but fluff. Don't worry, it's not any Wade x OC bullshit. It's gonna be pure Spideypool fluff. And it's gonna be posted soon, hopefully either tomorrow or the day after depending on the amount of homework I get on Friday. It's already written down in my notebook, it just needs to be typed up. (And it's relatively short, so hopefully that won't take too long.) It takes place sometime after the end of this chapter, but it's not specified how long after. You're gonna love it I promise. It's called Stargazing and is about, well stargazing. It's super cute and fluffy. If you guys liked this please leave kudos and comments, you have no idea how much they mean to me. And one last thing, I'm looking for Spideypool fanfiction ideas. They can be a one-shot, a full on fanfiction with lots of chapers, AUs, they can also be Superfamily if you want too, but I'm not good at focusing on/writing fanfiction entirely based on Stony. I'm better at having their relationship be in the background, Spideypool is the main focus. So if you have any ideas, suggestions or requests, please leave them in a comment. Or you send them to me via ask on my Tumblr. My username is americasfavoritenerdyfangirl. So yeah, you do that and part 3 will be up soon. PunsAndBulletsAndPointyThings out.


	3. Constellations: A Pure Fluff Bonus Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pure fluff to make up for all the angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was posted a day later than promised. Homework. 'Nuff said.

Wade smiled up at the starry night sky, forming constellations out of the stars and pointing them out out loud, knowing that Peter was watching and could hear him.

"That one there's a taco." He said pointing to a particular cluster of stars.

"Ooh! Look at this one Petey! It looks like a dick!" He said excitedly as formed the next one, pointing up at the stars making the inappropriate object in the sky.

"Hey this one kinda looks like me in my mask, but in a cutesy chibi style. But you gotta told your head a little bit to the left to see it." Wade said as pointed out the Deadpool shaped constellation.

"Aww... this next one looks like you in your Spidey mask. And it's also chibi. Daww... starry Spidey's next to starry Deadpool." He cooed as he pointed up at the Spider-man shaped stars that were indeed next to the Deadpool constellation.

_It's all so beautiful_ , he thought to himself. It was a wonder he could see the stars at all. Usually the endless lights of the city that never sleeps blocked the stars from view with their overpowering brightness. But tonight the entirety of Manhattan had an extreme power outage. For once, Wade was grateful for something Tony Stark did. He didn't know any of the details aside from the fact that the power outage had been caused at the Avengers/Stark tower.

He wasn't quite sure how he heard the voice, but it just kinda echoed throughout his mind. "Ya know Wade," Peter's voice told him through some magical dead person telepathy. "If you think about it and look at it right, the whole sky is one massive Spiderweb constellation. It connects all the mini constellations together. The Taco, the Little Dipper, the Dick, you and me... I guess that means we'll always be connected to one another through the the stars themselves. It like the Universe wants us to be together." Peter's voice faded from his head, but he knew he was still up there watching him.

They looked at the stars together until the sun rose, making the stars now impossible to see. And even though he hadn't slept at all that night, Wade couldn't help but feel refreshed and happy. "We'll be chasing stars," he sang quietly to himself before leaving the roof and going downstairs to make breakfast.

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know I added in a totally different song to the song fic. Sue me. (But don't actually. I'm only 14 and am broke. I can't afford a lawyer, also you wouldn't really have anything to sue me for.) So yeah. I hope you liked it. And seriously, I need Spideypool fanfiction ideas. Somebody give me an idea in the comments please!!! (For Spideypool!)

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I know, I'm evil. But there will be a part 2/epilogue because I didn't want to leave you guys with absolutely no hope.


End file.
